May 11, 2024 · 3:39 PM

The Lion’s Roar

A Copy of Badass Leonardo Da Vinci’s Roaring Lion 5-11-24

LOOK, I’m as imperfect as the next self-proclaimed believer of Jesus, but I am PRAYING and PURSUING and CONSUMING things by fellow believers to encourage and influence me to make better decisions. I was listening to a homemaker talk about scripture and being prayerful, having a routine in order to greet her little ones with a smile when they wake up. To not just be free wheeling all the time, but have a routine in place and follow it as such, which is in the Bible. People arose early to get their day started, and she encourages to prepare the start of a day the night before. All good things, and things I need to do myself.

I cleaned my apartment, swept and put things in their proper place and threw things away and feel sooo much better. Cleaning really does make you feel good after. You forget until you actually experience it first hand, words and videos and all that can only do so much. You just have to experience life itself, for yourself. I am noting this to myself, BTW. I ain’t trying to preach or teach, I’m just posting these for my own reassurance and reminder. And perhaps, to encourage someone.

Anyway, I’ve been literally drawing, recording and reciting poetry all day. I read out loud the Love Song of J Alfred Prufrock by T.S. Eliot. I forgot how LONG that poem is, but there are so many good lines in it:

Would it have been worth while,

To have bitten off the matter with a smile,

To have squeezed the universe into a ball

To roll it towards some overwhelming question,

To say: “I am Lazarus, come from the dead,

Come back to tell you all, I shall tell you all”—

IDK. I need to meditate on SCRIPTURE. I want to be blessed with a Christian husband. But I honestly haven’t a clue if that’s in the cards for me. I don’t want to spend life longing, and enjoy the season of solitude, but it’s been a long season, and I know I am delaying things by holding onto the past. Anyway, I’m going on a random tirade at this point and will take these matters to God. It’s been a strange day but I feel blessed and happy to have gotten drawings drawn and cleaning done.

As always, thanks for reading, be well and be blessed!

Peace! ✌️✨

3 Comments

Filed under art, General

Tagged as , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

May 11, 2024 · 12:08 PM

Feeling oddly nostalgic 🌞

Lying Naked Woman in pastels and pen 5-11-24

I should start with shapes like spheres and squares so I can study how light hits surfaces and get better at observation. Line work from a drawing is already laid out but sometimes and most of the time I just mindlessly make marks on the page whereas artists of past make a deliberate stroke or squiggle to represent the nuanced relationship between facial features and emotion, light and form, shape and shadow.

I’m still sick and coughing and my throat is going through it! Jesus, help me. I need a glass of water.

Leave a comment

Filed under art, General

Tagged as , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

May 11, 2024 · 10:16 AM

it’s awkward and unfinished but IDGAF

musician by Rembrandt in pen 5-10-24

I made a video with this but I don’t think I’m going to post it. For one I don’t have WiFi, I simply am not home enough for it to be worth it and I just use my phone as a hot spot. Secondly, it’s mostly because I don’t have WiFi and the video will take forever to load. Let me look at today’s prompt again, which I’ve already seen on others’s posts.

Daily writing prompt
What does freedom mean to you?
View all responses

It means knowing who Jesus is because he brings the ultimate “freedom” from death, from the dark principalities of this world, etc. But I suppose on a less spiritual level it means being able to practice spirituality and anything the hell you want. Being able to express yourself without censorship. Having the CHOICE to do what you want, but with it comes responsibility, it doesn’t come easy and it means you may need to give up other things in order to gain freedom. It’s difficult to define because someone always answers to someone else. Hence, I’ll stick to belief in Jesus as my answer. He will set you free.

Thanks for reading and be well!

Peace! ✌️✨

Leave a comment

Filed under art, General

Tagged as , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

May 11, 2024 · 9:51 AM

my response to solar flares hitting Earth last night and today 5-11-24 or The Drunken Lot

The Drunken Lot in pen and pastels 5-11-24

I’m not drunk, maybe drunk on the Holy Spirit but not on alcohol. But apparently solar flares have hit Earth/are hitting Earth and can cause major disruption to GPS, power grids, etc. Nothing’s happened yet that I am aware of except that you can see the Northern Lights from the States last night and again tonight. I did have vivid dreams though, and saw weird faces when my eyes were closed and I was between dreaming and being awake.

Also, aliens are actually demons / fallen angels, so get right with Jesus ya’ll, because they will fear nothing else, nor succumb to any one else’s authority. Or ya know, just write me off as being crazy and wearing a tin foil hat. Except CERN, which I remember learning about when I was in high school, or around the time I was married in 2007, as a machine creating dark energy or trying to recreate the Big Bang. Crazy theorists think they’re actually opening portals to inter-dimensional beings e.g. aliens. But who the hell knows what’s really going on???

I feel stuck in my body. Limited by what I can know and do. I know I’m not the brightest crayon in the box and I hate that I am so restricted by this. Knowledge, intelligence, etc. comes naturally to some people and limited to others. IDK. I just feel lame. I’m just going to keep drawing and rambling, that’s all I’m good at. LOL….

Thanks for reading and be well!

Peace! ✌️✨

Leave a comment

Filed under art, General

Tagged as , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

May 10, 2024 · 7:03 PM

Thoughts inspired by a documentary about Leonardo Da Vinci

EDIT: i say complicit but I think I meant “complacent”…my bad.

I decided to record this while I was like 20 minutes into a documentary on Prime that I am still watching about Leonardo Da Vinci. I paused to record thoughts over a drawing video of a Rembrandt drawing posted earlier.

Enjoy.

Leave a comment

Filed under art, General

Tagged as , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

May 10, 2024 · 2:43 PM

my mood towards AI

Copied a Rembrandt drawing in pen 5-10-24

Seriously, F*@#$* AI. You can have your hideous AI artwork and God forsaken books written by AI. I’ll keep drawing and writing as long as I’m breathing! Using actual materials and paper to make a drawing or to write something down. Yes, I enjoy using technology. But once it starts crossing over and taking over everything you gotta draw the line somewhere (no pun intended).

I wanna be like this guy and live in the woods and LOL at the topic:

IDK folks, I think so long as we look to nature, go back to our roots and keep drawing, or writing, or singing or dancing, AI can go kick rocks.

Peace! ✌️✨

4 Comments

Filed under General

Tagged as , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

May 10, 2024 · 11:02 AM

”In the Garden of Agony”

Copied from Rembrandt in pen and pastels 5-9-24

THE TITLE is fitting to how I am feeling at the moment..lol I exaggerate but I was pretty tormented these past few days with a sinus infection/cold. My ears hurt and I still have a nasty cough but some of my energy has returned. I am missing work again and just dropped a bunch of money on chocolates for my mom. I should have gone with the half pound of chocolate…oh well. See’s Candies is hopping this weekend for Mother’s Day.

Today’s the deadline for a library position in a beach town in LA. Do I want to live in a beach town in LA? Yes. I want to live by the ocean even if it is full of crackheads and tweakers LOL. JK. IDK Lord, lead me (yes I am praying in the midst of my blog post and yes JESUS reads my blogs!!!!!!)

Speaking of Jesus, I started watching “The Chosen” on Netflix…..I bawled my eyes out during this scene, where Mary Magdalene is redeemed:

So moving and so powerful. When he is reciting the scripture to her, it has significance because as shown earlier in the show, she would recite it with her father when she was afraid as a child. In any case, for what it’s worth the show is well done, the acting is good and while it’s an ADAPTATION and drama, it was made with the intent to mirror scripture and encourages people to read the gospels at the beginning. I just want to open my Bible and pray and be redeemed by Jesus all over again.

Thanks for reading and be well!

Peace! ✌️✨

1 Comment

Filed under art, General

Tagged as , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

May 8, 2024 · 10:05 AM

HARE 🐇

HARE in black pen 5-7-24

Disclaimer: I’m bipolar. Go away. JK. But really, these are my opinions, thoughts and experiences as a diagnosed bipolar I person. If you are experiencing symptoms or have concerns about mental illness talk with your mental health care professional or doctor. If someone with mental illness disturbs you, read no further. Peace & be well!

I FEEL tired and sickly today. I started feeling it immediately as I was walking down the stairs to the train platforms. Like a bug just jumped into my nostril and started making me sneezy. Maybe it’s just the wind, I thought, but little did I know the aggravation and irritation from whatever got into my system probably days ago, started manifesting at work. I started coughing and sneezing. And sure enough by the time I got home, when you let your guard down and your body calm, I started coughing like crazy. I have a terrible, terrible cough now and stuffy nose. My voice is all raspy and deep from the soreness. My throat has been through hell and back because of getting COVID twice, and now I have a simple cough (I hope) but it hurts my throat and can be triggering…

I am missing work today and now I want to be productive at home instead of resting or sleeping. My apt is a mess and I want to go through my journals finally to get rid of the notebooks filled with negativity. I feel like keeping them is just carrying around unnecessary baggage. It’s not like I’m some genius with brilliant or crazy ideas that need to be preserved.

IDK, maybe I will clean today while I’m at home then sleep the rest of the day. I barely have time anymore to get anything done if I’m not traveling to and from work, working, then crash and burning once it’s done and over with. It’s all mind over matter. What would David Goggins do? Stop being a bitch and just clean and get shit done, even if sick.

I missed a dose of medication the day before last night, the night of the bipolar support group ironically enough. I feel like I have a delayed response to things, including medication.

In other news, I watched a video on YT about writing, a lecture for professionals at the University of Chicago, which, mind you, has it’s own format for annotations and citing and all that, for psychology papers, so you KNOW it’s gonna be a good one:

The major takeaways I got from it are:

  • No one cares about your thoughts or how you think (this is probably why not many people read my blog..lolz)
  • Write for your READER (which is easier said than done, if you don’t know who your readers are e.g. blogosphere…we’re all here to write, no one jumps on a blog to READ it)
  • Teachers/professors read your writing and give feedback because they’re paid to (that’s a no brainer but you don’t really think that way as a student, at least I didn’t)

That’s it really. I was listening to it at work so it didn’t have my full attention, but basically there’s a formula (everything has a fucking formula) to writing a good ACADEMIC or PROFESSIONAL paper. Basically, show that you know what your readers know, and then write about why they’re WRONG or what the PROBLEM is, basically THEIR problem, which in turn, spikes interest and wanting to read more.

Anyway, comment your thoughts below, how you’re doing, etc. should you feel so inclined.

As always, thanks for reading and be well!

Peace! ✌️✨

2 Comments

Filed under art, General

Tagged as , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

May 7, 2024 · 5:33 PM

A half-assed review on the film “The Idea of You” (2024)

DISCLAIMER: SPOILERS CONTAINED WITHIN

If you haven’t seen this film it’s about a 40 year old (Anne Hathaway) running into a boy band singer’s trailer on accident at Coachella where he immediately falls in love with her. First of all, the dude is British, 24, and a famous boy band singer. The idea is simply that, “what if” that literally only happens in the movies. They fall madly in love and she tours with him but then a falling out happens so they break up, then he meets with her in LA so they makeup but her daughter can’t handle the fame so they break up and five years later the daughter’s in college so they said if they don’t find love they will reunite and sure enough they are reunited, and he’s all scruffy and looks like James Franco….lol.

The movie was kind of triggering, albeit unconvincing, but still, I somehow stuck it out cause what can I say, I kind of like Anne Hathaway. The intense “love” or whatever and break up….so weird. I haven’t been in love and broken hearted in a long ass time and don’t want it to ever ever happen again and it hasn’t. Sure, I’ve cried over men since my divorce, but my divorce took the fucking cake. 🎂 I have no heart left to break. I’m too old.

The whole cougar thing, I mean, I’m 37 going on 38 soon so I’m getting there, but not quite yet. It’s weird being single. I don’t want to be a cougar. So I’m curious who this film is trying to appeal to…single late thirty early forty something’s who want to have a hot fling with a British dude. I’m convinced my soulmate is British. But I digress…

IDK, the film takes place in LA and she works at an art gallery so that’s kind of cool. It was a cool hipster liberal film I guess. IDK. Weird movie don’t watch it.

👎👎

Leave a comment

Filed under General

Tagged as , , , , , , , , ,

May 7, 2024 · 11:05 AM

TORTOISE 🐢

TORTOISE eating a piece of grass IN BLACK INK PEN 5-7-24

DISCLAIMER: I’m not advocating against meds or giving up meds without the consultation of a professional. These are my opinions, thoughts and experiences as one diagnosed with bipolar disorder.

How is everyone feeling today? Comment below.

I’ll go first: I still feel strange from going to that support group last night for people with bipolar disorder and depression or whatever mental illness they have. I don’t know if the group is more of a help or a hindrance. I don’t want to be judgy but it feels weird going to a group with a bunch of depressed bipolar people. LOL. But I DO like the idea of being supportive, lending a listening ear and being there to allow people to vent about what they’re going through.

I feel like this Tortoise…which is a weird word, I don’t like the way it sounds or is spelled, it’s just awkward. But I love the animal! And feel like a tortoise, slow in pace, but will ultimately win the race. He wins the race, right? Isn’t that the whole point of the story. In any case, it’s easy for ME to feel left behind because I’m not married, don’t have kids, don’t have a real career going, barely making ends meet, kind of draws here and there, etc. I’m not a professional or passionate about anything really. IDK. I still have hope regardless.

The first order of business is to get my health in order. To lose weight, research and ultimately get on the keto diet to help with weight loss and get off medications, which I’ve learned people with bipolar and schizophrenia have been able to do with and under the guidance of their doctors, psychiatrists, nutritionists, etc. It feels possible to feel alive again. These meds are no joke to be on. Brain fog and lethargy are REAL and a very detrimental to quality of life. Thankfully I’m not diabetic or pre-diabetic, but I am still overweight and eating bad foods for my body.

In any case, if interested, I found this interview to be very insightful and hopeful about doing keto as treatment for bipolar disorder:

Thanks for reading and be well.

Peace! ✌️✨

Leave a comment

Filed under art, General

Tagged as , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,